I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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