he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
