Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
