guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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