Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
