I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Life is so much better after having sex.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
