absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
