If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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