Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love you. Go after that dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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