You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He did a backflip because drugs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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