There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
