wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
