i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
