ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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