my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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