No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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