Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
