It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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