headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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