Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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