i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its about making memories worth repressing
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
