I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize