I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
