Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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