I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
