i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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