You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
