Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
