Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
