i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
