Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
