she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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