please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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