I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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