Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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