OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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