I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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