His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
