Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
