Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
