Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
