Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize