Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize