My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize