My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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