..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize