What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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