Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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