The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i need some magic done to my vagina
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize