In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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