At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize