oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
