So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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