I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize