you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I could fuck to npr.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
