Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's the barista slut.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
