why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
