Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
