actually, I'm a sock model
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
