Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
