theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
