I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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