i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
