True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
