She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
