quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there is puke in my bra ... again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
