I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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