its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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