its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
