guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
