I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
