I'm so fucking centered right now
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize