Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sarcasm needs its own font
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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