Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
