Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
