I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
