And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
