I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
