I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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