ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
