Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
