It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
